That Hot Guy is With the Fat Chick?

Day four of my jog-regimen almost didn’t happen. I have been in Texas almost three years, and I still get unsettled by clouds that don’t look white and cottony. I begged my husband to turn around as I swore I could see a funnel.

He refused and pulled in to the lot of the park. As usual, the storm wasn’t really a storm. My imagination was working overtime as I began to look for places I could take shelter in case the tornado came out of nowhere and I was still jogging. It ended up being just a little good morning shade that passed about a half hour into my work out. The sunshine came through, and I thankfully huffed and puffed along the trail, wondering why I am still so paranoid about the weather.




I started feeling a sense of accomplishment as I actually ran more than walked this time. My husband passed me by twice, gleefully throwing in my face the comment I made last week about him laying around, eating chips and watching movies. I had bet he wouldn’t last a minute on the track, blah-blah. Well, he proved me wrong, and was now on track to hit his goal of literally running circles around me on the field.
Fast forward to the end of my lap, where ahead I could see him stretching near a tree, because all of the sudden, he is Flo Jo. I admit, I was annoyed as I remembered how he thought going to the park to work out was lame and wasn’t too in to it, and now he was bending and reaching for the stars like my old P.E. teacher. Well, as I was looking, I also noticed a pair of cougars prowling nearby. They walked and babbled until they got to his tree, where they made it extremely obvious that he had their attention. They slowed down, and then slowly kept walking, but this time backwards. I mean, how clear can you make it that you outwardly wanted this man’s attention? May be I was more sensitive because it was my oblivious husband they were honing in on, but did they not realize that they were literally acting like east coast construction workers? Did they care? I continued to walk forward, a little more pep in my step as I felt the adrenaline begin to come back in an immature attempt to get my body ready for a fight, when I silently coached myself to calm down. There was no need to make a scene or anything. After all, they didn’t know he was with me. It’s not like they were trying to be disrespectful. Him and I don’t even walk together, so how would they know? They were simply acting like they normally would if a handsome and virile man were to pass by their den. Like he was the last man on earth, I suppose.



My next question was what in the world were they doing here, anyway? I purposely came to this park because it was Old People territory. I could walk in peace and no matter how chubby I am, I am still cute in Old People territory. May be because I had come by myself or with the kids before, I didn’t notice how many apparently desperate woman come in the morning as well. I was wrong. Maria Shinypants ditched her Richard Simmon’s get-up, and came to the park today in Daisy Dukes. And now, I have the Cougar Twins, who don’t look too much older than me, trying to ESP their mating calls to my husband. This is insanity.

The bright side is, I will seriously be making a point to go to this park everyday with The Popular One, to keep the cats at bay. The downside is that I can’t believe I still get mad about something I should actually take as a compliment? I genuinely felt bad as we left that I would even fathom the thought of provoking an altercation with two women, who were in much better shape than I, let me say. I mean, who gets mad about that stuff at my age? I sometimes wonder why this “fight” in me doesn’t leave as I have gotten older. I swear, society and age has calmed me down quite a bit, may be even left me a little less honest than in my hay-days where nothing would get by without me making some brutal comment about it, then daring anyone to challenge me. Yet sometimes, that “fight” still rises up, and I will use any excuse to execute it. Some people are naturally calm, like my dear and fabulous husband. Some people have to talk themselves out of doing really stupid things, because that is just their first reaction, like me. I guess it's just how I am built, and I work on getting better everyday.

Those are just my thoughts. For now, I would like to keep my dignity and stay out of jail, so I have decided to do myself a favor and lose some more weight so they won’t be so shocked when the fat chick gets in the same car as Don Juan.
(Please refer to my article, “Insecure or Self Aware", if you feel that I have an issue with self-esteem.  I'm just being honest.)