Diary of a Disgruntled Customer Service Rep

When you call the 800 number on the back of your credit card, or the top of your phone bill, where do you think your call goes? It goes to the community of the Customer Service Reps. First, let me show you a few of the common traits.
This will begin the series of Diary of a Disgruntled Customer Service Rep- Article 1.
The Newbies, Freshmen in the Nest: These representatives are still in their three month probation period, taking a six to eight week training class in a school-teacheresque setting no doubt. They are getting their user ID’s set up, proudly displaying their security badges around their necks, and on time everyday. They tend to be upbeat and excited to “get on the phones!” The senior reps silently reminisce about their own early days, and laugh at the hell the new reps are about to endure. They all have bets on who will last once they hit the floor. (that’s call center talk for going live on the phones).
The Brown Nosers: They came with an agenda based on what they learned in high school, college or from a wise old family member; Get your foot in the door at any Fortune 500 company, and work your way to the top. These reps will agree with anything upper management has to say. The become tattle-tails for supervisors that are too busy with their smoke breaks to actually watch the floor, and they are for sure the go-to guys up for any challenge, always offering to stay late and learn new things, gathering as much information as they can to worm their way into the corporate lime light. Fortunately for them, they will be noticed. Management will notice, and take total advantage, and co-workers will notice and avoid them at all cost. They are the real-life Dwight Schrutes of the corporate world. Inside their manipulative little minds, they believe all the hard work and dealing with arrogant supervisors will be worth the big payoff. Good luck, Dwight. Few and far between have made it past getting promoted to supervisor, because the manager ain’t goin’ nowhere in this economic climate. It may take a while, but before long, you will be sick and tired of the antics of your co-workers and all of your hard work being rewarded with nothing but more responsibility, hence becoming disgruntled.
The Diva: This call-center personality will either serve to irritate you and everyone around you, or to simply make the time fly by constantly making spectacles of themselves and nothing more. A Diva will never, I repeat NEVER, get anywhere in a call center unless they are related to a decision maker. These are the girls (and sometimes guys) that need their hair and nails did, every week, come in to work wearing colors used to flag down airplanes and have a tendency to complain because time-off that was not approved, amongst other things. They too, can be nice at first, but don’t be deceived. If you tick a Diva off, which doesn’t take a lot, you may hear rumors around the office about yourself, HR may give you a call about some form of harassment, and then it will be virtually impossible to get rid of them. Diva’s usually come with buckets full of drama, so you can chose to either get involved or sit back and be entertained. A Diva always puts on a good show. Sometimes, if you sit close, you can get front row seats to a temper-tantrum because they were told they have to work a holiday which will cut into precious “Baby-Daddy-time.”
The Old Betties: These senior citizens come from the old school. These are my favorite call center personality; they have great stories to pass the time, you can tell by the way they dress, they probably started off as operators back in the day where they actually flipped through the phone book for you. Clean cut, solid cotton pants with a flowery, embroidered top. They usually sit together to eat lunch to talk about furniture, gardening and how these young kids don’t really appreciate a good job. I love old people. I just do.
The “Real” Rep: This person tells it like it is, because they constantly have a point to make, no matter how miniscule it is. They confuse “keeping it real” with tactful honestly. They don’t seem to understand or care that no one around them cares about what they think or have to say. Telling it like it is went out with Howard Sterns exit from free radio. It’s rude and annoying, and the boldness wares thin after a while. It’s good to be honest, but there is no need to be honest with call-center friends. You walk in, you play nice and you go home. Unfortunately, for these brutes, their mouth often lands them in the hot seat and tends to bite them in the butt during evaluation time. The tell it like it is type has issues with their self-image, so instead of finding their true niche in life, they shove their made up personalities down everyone’s throat because they read some book or watched some old school hero do it. Please Johnnie, everyone is over it. Take off the leather jacket and stop it already.
Ok, let's wrap up with the types of managers:

The Book, The Sleaze and The Chum.
The Book follows everything to the T. They don’t break rules and bending is not an option. They know that HR handbook like the back of their hand. They have their mind set on one thing, and that is whatever good for the company. No one can stand them…not even their compadres. They probably started out as a Schrute Brown Noser.
The Sleaze: I have dealt with enough of them to know that there is more sleaze than not. This manager is more than willing to help you sleep your way to the top. They are usually married and bored, and run a call center full of fun an exciting opportunities to get their kicks. The sleaze usually plays it low key, but will slowly try to turn you out priming you with a dirty joke here and there to test the waters. The first time you giggle, your done. They will soon begin to move in for the kill, at least until someone goes to HR to report their infamous behavior. ( I have so many stories about The Sleaze, stay tuned). Finally, we have
The Chum: Um, to say the least, the friend is our favorite kind of managing personality, but they are often tortured souls, never being able to fire anyone or address serious issues before it gets too late. They want to please everyone. They look past tardies and turn the cheek at chronic call-ins. They squirm during evaluations and don’t want to be involved in bickering that happens between co-workers. Please don't ever expect them deal with a hygeine issue.  They would rather fire someone than ask them to put on deodorant.  They are loved, but usually put themselves in a bad position and get talked about because they can’t “control” their group. Poor bastards.

In conclusion, I say I have to write more about the behind the scenes setting in a call center. I have seen things you can’t even imagine, including the security guards dragging two people out of the bathroom because of a nooney that obviously couldn’t wait until they got home. I have seen managers walk off the job, FBI escort money launderers out the building, and my personal favorite, the infamous letter that went to the entire company (one of the biggest companies in the World, might I add) from the CEO to the janitor. It contained awful secrets about almost everyone, and insults that would even put Simon Cowell to shame. Even though we were all advised to delete the letter, some printed it and framed it on the wall at home.
May be I will share some of my call-center stories. I have ten years worth of them….Deep down, may be I am the disgruntled Customer Service Rep, after all.  Until next time........