The Ignorant Bliss of a Severanced Fool.

Let me tell you.

I got laid off eight months ago and I thought I had it made. I didn't hang on to my severance and count pennies. I had no intention saving or going back to work for "The Man" right away. I decided to move on to the next phase of my life and enter into a phantasmagoria of crazy get rich-quick schemes- all of which didn't seem that way at first.
First, I ran out and got my insurance license. Then I started writing a book. Or two. Afterwards, I signed up for every in-home, work-in-your-PJ's operator job I could find. I even called Avon but they thought I was a little too cheeky (no pun intended) for the job.
I started a small insurance business out of my house, and with the rest of the money.......I went extrava-impractical. I think even Obama would have told me I was out of line with my spending.

I had the time of my life. My children thought we'd won the lottery. It was the first time I had not worked since I was sixteen and I loved every moment sleeping until noon. I vaguely listened to the news with talks of high unemployment rates, foreclosures and new terrorist threats. When I felt myself getting scared, I changed the channel and watched the Golden Girls and broke out the cookies and milk. Gas prices high? No problem. Hubby's job was up the street and I had no where to go; except Disney World. Literally. I didn't have a job, so I went on ahead to Disney World. Doesn't that sound like an oxymoron?

Well, I thought my insurance business was going to take off like prom dress in Los Angeles. Do I need to say I was wrong? In no time, I found myself floating checks and yelling at my husband for wanting to buy lunch instead of taking it to work.
From far away, it looked like my French tips were still fresh. In reality, My nails started forming their own canals as I couldn't afford the fill and just didn't want to let it go. My extensions were becoming dry and stiff instead of gently floating piece by piece with every bounce of my steps. That's when I realized my little fantasy world was crashing down all around me. I wasn't Paris Hilton after all. (Am I the only black girl on the planet who wanted to be Paris for a day? Or a year? Whatever, okay? Don't judge me)I will say, towards the end of that blissful yet extremely naive era, I got used to eating breakfast with Blanche and Dorothy while Sophia made wise-cracks about Rose.
I got used to taking naps for no reason and cooking tasty meals just because I had nothing but time. I got used to looking forward to Mondays with the Bachelor, and Friday's with Ugly Betty. (You know ABC sucks for moving her to Fridays! Now the dog-gone show is cancelled!) and of course cashing in that great unemployment check.
What I wasn't used to was the shock I felt when I realized I'd had enough fun and needed a steady paycheck. I had to go back to work. I still had a sense of responsibility that was coming out of hibernation. We are still in somewhat of a Bear market, aren't we? Things were becoming tighter, and the money was running low.In the past, I would put in a resume, get a phone call within a week, ace the interview and land a job. I never had a problem. I was in for blow.
People are just not hiring like they used to. Companies were and still are laying off people by the masses, and the media is not helping. The companies that are doing well are being brainwashed into thinking they need to cut back as well, so they are. Just like drones. It's sickening.

In my job search, no one called. I even got letters from employers I didn't apply for telling me, " Thanks, but all positions have been filled."
I'll tell you what. At the last minute, I landed a job at THE BIG HUGE Bank OF NUNYA. (obviously I can't tell you where, people). I absolutely love it and I am in my element. I am still new so I tend to have a little more patience than I ever remember having. Like, EVER.
Give me a break. I just finished a piece of humble pie and washed it down with a glass of abasement. I went from jumping up and down like "Idols goin' to Hollywood" about getting a huge severance then getting paid to stay home (unemployment: I was just so ghetto about it) to getting scared out of my mind when my insurance business didn't take off. It humbled me to a point of insane niceness. I couldn't afford to speak my mind and offend the wrong person like I could with my last job.

On my last job, I made my assistant drive back to the office on her day off just because I forgot to record a vacation message on my voicemail and I didn't want a bunch of unnecessary calls, so I needed her to change it because I was already leaving the parking lot. No I'm not trying to be Jen Lancaster, I am just letting you know she isn't the only reformed and regretful Diva that walked the earth. Believe me, anyone who knows me from any previous job, school or church I have ever attended in my life at any time except now, will tell you: "PJ? Nice? We can't be talking about the same monster, and if I ever see that little tramp again......."

If I think about how I would do things different I would go crazy, so I just don't. I now have a job, these people have no idea who I am or what I used to be capable of nor do they care. I am a nobody in a sea of worker-bees, and I kind of like it this way. :-]

As I work, I often think of the glory days when I walked my kids to school and waved to the normal stay at home moms like I was one of them.

May be next time. At the rate this country is going, there may just be a next time, you know what I mean?